Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
false alarm, still single
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
