What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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