I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
