She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
