im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
