please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
