Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
