dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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