Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
