Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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