did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
