u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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