We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im having a threesome with these popsicles
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
