It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
