im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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