um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Oh god it's open bar.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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