Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
