There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
They took my balls.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
