You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize