You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize