I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
