I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
