I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
