my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
