We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
