This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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