He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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