I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
