HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Did I show you my penis last night?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
