so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
