it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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