so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
