ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
