remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He shit in the fireplace
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
