I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
