i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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