i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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