the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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