They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize
