Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
