Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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