RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
