four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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