sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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