And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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