how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
