Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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