i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
