I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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