my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
it glows. i had to have it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
