In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
