Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
