My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
