yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
