I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
