What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
