You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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