Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im holly from the hills drunk
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My vagina just recognized that song.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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