Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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