I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize