Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
