Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
