need another drink. this is the easiest way
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
