you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
