Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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