Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Come share oat with me in your robe
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
