hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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