I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
