pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
