while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Never underestimate the power of titties
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
