If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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