So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
