We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
