cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize