A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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