Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize