come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
