My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
