Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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