bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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