Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
