Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
