hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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