dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
