i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
