Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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