I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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