I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
