Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
