So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
