Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
