I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
