the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
