It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
