are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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