Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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