he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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