I just made out with a guy for $7.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
