I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
