Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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