If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the day after is always just damage control
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
