She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
