I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize